It’s ok if you don’t have your pink back yet…
As a mum of 3, I know how overwhelming everything can be! But, when I feel overwhelmed, I try remember the flamingos!
I watched a documentary a while back about flamingos. I learnt that they feed their young by regurgitating their food to give to their child, a little differently to how we do it, but passing on nutrients nonetheless! Mind you, I have been known to pre-chew the crust off the bread (because how awful is the world when a toddler notices some crust!), or chew the pasta to check the temperature (so that my son doesn’t get a complete aversion to the one thing all 3 kids will eat simultaneously…most of the time). So maybe, I am not so different to the flamingos after all!
After a while of giving all their food to their child, the adult flamingos start to loose their beautiful vibrant pink, and turn a little more grey. Once the feeding and caring part of their journey is over, the mothers and fathers regain their colour, becoming the fabulous pink birds they were always meant to be.
We as parents, whether breastfeeding or not, we give so much to our children, especially in those first few years. We give up sleep, nutrients, time, freedom, energy and much more. And at times, or even all the time, we feel exhausted, drained and quite frankly, less pink! But just like the flamingos, this too shall pass, and we will get our pink back!
I guess the point to this short little blog, is just to remind everyone, that this journey is hard, its ok that sometimes you feel helpless and overwhelmed, and it is definitely ok to miss the person you used to be! But, be careful not to give too much of your pink away, as you can’t care for others if you don’t care for yourself. So find some time and make sure you have the right supports in place. Because this parenting thing is like nothing else.
5 tips for the post partum period
REST: Make sure to have some rest. If the dishes get a little out of control, they will still be a little out of control when you get to them in an hour after you have put your feet up for a minute! Also, sitting down and resting is a great time to throw in a few cheeky pelvic floor lifts. There’s also ways to rest in between the crazy. Find the rest that works for you. Sometimes its as simple as taking the time to re-heat your food so you dont have to eat it cold. Sometimes it is just looking up for 30 seconds to watch the clouds pass overhead and breathe in some fresh air while the kids run around in the back yard. And sometimes, it could be setting the kids up with an art table so you can enjoy a cuppa while you scroll the gram for a bit.
YOU TIME: Arrange with your partner to have an hour a week that is just for you and vice versa. This could be a walk, a book, or if you are me, a nice hot bath with some salts, face mask (only $2 from the chemist), candles and a dash of Enya! The bathroom door closes and hubby knows it’s my 60 minutes. Lets be honest, sometimes I do this more than once a week. I lie back, pop my ears under the water and enjoy the silence for a while.
EXERCISE: Try to get in a little exercise if you can. Those endorphins are great for lifting your mood. Gaining your strength back a little does wonders. Remember to visit your Pelvic Health Physio if you are unsure of what you should be doing. But don’t feel guilty if you aren’t ready for exercise, do what you can, when you can. A walk with the kids, a run around the backyard with the family, or a few sit to stands when you get up from the dinner table. Whatever works!
PRIORITISE THE NOISE: Don’t listen to the haters! I have had so many people ask me “where my children are?” when I am at work. Many ask innocently out of curiosity, but some ask with this sense of shock, as if I have abandoned them. I am pretty certain no one asks my husband where the kids are when he doesn’t have them. Taking time for you, is not selfish. It is OK to do some things that fill your cup. For me working is my love and passion, without it, I am a tired grumpy moo moo! Everyone will have an opinion about your parenting style (some helpful, some not so much), you do you! Be a SAHM if that sits right with you, I am in awe of the people that do it. I am also in awe of the people that juggle the work life “balance” thing!
GET HELP: Lastly, it takes 18 months for your internal structures to heal and return to full pre-baby function in most cases. It is ok that you don’t feel right yet. To be honest I think after this 3rd one of mine, it will be more than 18 months! Be kind to yourself. Your self talk is what you hear more than anything else. So if you’re self talk is negative, reach out to chat to a Psychologist. I do every month, and will for the rest of my life. There is so much value in it. Even if it’s sometimes just that it’s an hour to listen to me for a whole hour! It is very cathartic. You can get 10 visits partially subsidised with a mental health plan from your GP.
I was watching Simone Biles the other night winning her gold, and after watching her documentary (are you sensing I love a doco?), I said to my husband, “she makes me proud to be a woman”. My husband replied with “every woman should make you proud to be a woman”. That really resonated with me. We are all great, and everyday we do something amazing. So remember to give yourself a pat on the back from time to time. You don’t have to win gold to feel proud of yourself. Power to you!
The shorter version of this essay here: Instagram